The Right Age to Have a Baby
| December 5, 2011 | Posted by SheNOW under Babies, Featured, LiveNOW |
5 Reasons NOT to Have Kids in Your Twenties
Babies or the beach? Barbie dolls or martini’s? Hmmm… Well, if you want kids one day, why not have it all??! You have plenty of time to add little bouncing babies to your life’s plan, should you so choose, why not take time for yourself first?
Reasons NOT to Have Kids in Your Twenties:
1 – Kids are Expensive! According to a study by the USDA, it will cost the average middle-class family $222,360 per child to raise them from 0 to 18. ACK! Did your eyes pop out of your head when you read that?! And, that number does not even include college…….
Considering that the size of your pie slice decreases after giving child birth, take a few years to spend your hard earned money on YOU. After you have been out of school for a few years, and finally have a good income, that is the time to start traveling the world, taking on exciting hobbies, and going to places you can’t (or wouldn’t want to) go with kids. Vegas? Amsterdam? Paris? New Orleans? The list goes on and on…
Don’t think, “Oh, I’ll just wait until retirement,” because 1) you do not know if you will be around that long (sorry to be honest); 2) retirement age, especially with the current economy, could end up being 123, which points back to #1; 3) life could happen. You do not know where you will be, what your financial situation will be, or what life will throw your way. You CAN control what is happening to you right now. Take the reins and live in the moment.
2 – Your Eggs aren’t in a Nursing Home. Yes, it is true that the older you are when you try to conceive, the more complications you could have. But, did you know that your chances of getting pregnant don’t reduce that dramatically from 25 to 44? Yes, thaaaat’s right. In a study performed by the National Center for Health Statistics, you have an 86 percent chance of conceiving within one year if you are between 25 and 34, and a 78 percent chance if you are between the ages of 35 and 44. So, your chance of getting pregnant naturally drops by only eight percent!
Other medical complications can increase, typically after the age of 35, but your eggs certainly aren’t using walkers if you wait until to have children. What’s the Rush?!TM
3 – Spontaneity is Key. Without children you can leave whenever you want. Want to go to the coast this weekend? Sure! How about a last minute camping trip, or happy hour, or a movie, or a late dinner? You will have plenty of time down the road to schedule your life around tee-ball games, band practice and little Johnny’s need for braces. You will have countless occasions to not only beg for a babysitter, but then to also ask them to pretty please, you’ll pay them double if they can, just stay an extra few hours. Slow down, have fun, and use this time to enjoy your freedom!
4- Happiness: CNN’s May 23, 2011 article entitled Does having children make you happy? shared the following:
“‘As a group, parents of all types and all socioeconomic levels in the United States report more symptoms of depression and emotional distress than their childless adult counterparts,’ said Robin Simon, a Wake Forest University sociology professor who researches the association between parenthood and emotional well-being.”
“Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert’s book Stumbling on Happiness looked at several studies and found that children give adults many things, but an ‘increase in daily happiness is probably not among them.’”
“‘It’s such a counter-intuitive finding, because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they’re not,’ said Simon.”
Babies do not equal happiness so do not fall into a trap thinking they will complete you or make your life better. Only YOU have the power to do that.
5 – Responsibility: The only person you have to feed, clothe and house is the person in the mirror. Without children you can take bigger risks like quitting your job to start your own business. If it is just you, the Ramen Noodles diet is an okay option.
You have plenty of time to become accountable for a child’s education, their moral and ethical values, to worry about their health (both physical and mental), to wonder where they are at all hours and to have sleepless nights. Right now, you are responsible for YOU. Enjoy it and make the most of it because you won’t get this time back.
Originally posted on Yahoo Voices
Great post! Many of my college friends are already married with children (and we’re only 23) and I always felt like that wasn’t the right path for me – precisely because of the many reasons you just mentioned! Thanks for helping me realize I’m not crazy lol.
Thanks Amanda! We are glad to see you feel the same way! Women actually have more time than they think so there is no reason to start the countdown in your twenties. If you don’t want kids, more power to you….If you do want kids, What’s the Rush?!
In my core group of friends, I am now the only one who had not become a parent. I am almost 29 and I am still not ready. I would like to be at financially stable now. Plus I still have a few more years. I am glad I’m not the only one.
Thanks for the comment! There seems to be some strange fix on the age “30″… that one must be married and have kids by then or end up an “old maid.’ We aim to break that stereotype! We’re still out having fun and living our lives! IF you decide to have kids, there’s plenty of time for the staying up all night, diaper changing, sticky fingers, child proofing part of life. What’s the Rush?!
I could write an article about this subject because I have experienced both..I was married at 22yrs old met him when I a junior in high school,17yrs old..Had my daughter at 24yrs old and divorced at 27yrs old..The moral of that story is I gave up my dreams to marry him..I was a model for NewYork Models and was going to sign with Wilhelmina Model Agency,I was 15yrs old when I started. At 19yrs old I was chosen out of hundreds to do a Revlon ad..After that my soon to be husband got insecure,thinking success for a women is a disaster for his image.So he told me if I did continue the wedding was off!!! I stupidly listened thinking I was soooo in love and that I would be lost without him..I did not sign that contract with Wilhelmina!!!Mistake Mistake Mistake…
Totally agree! Truth be told I thought about starting a family because I used to think if I kept on waiting I’d might be too late… stupid I know, considering that I’m only 19… I was thinking maybe at 23 or 25 but now, I think I’ll wait a looot more
and get some me time before… & after I can say I’ve lived enough, now I can think for others, then I’ll start a family 
Thank you so much for this page! Its so eye opening and I’ve learned so much just by reading like 2 or 3 posts.. my mother never talk to me about things that matter like this, things that every young girl should know.
Melissa,
Thank you for your comment, and I am glad you see that you have plenty of time for kids and family….but only this little bit of time for YOU!
Travel, have adventures, kiss some strangers, start a business, do it all so that you put yourself in the right place and you are emotionally, physically and financially whole. Then, should you decide to marry, you will be a better mother and partner because you’ve done more than most others. All of your amazing life experiences can be used to teach lessons to your children, sharing with them the passion of life and adventure.
The avg woman will spend less than 5% of her entire life living for herself. That’s not enough!!!
Keep on kickin’ butt girlfriend, and you can take over the world with us!
Brenna
I had a lecturer who has two teenage daughters. Most of the time in the class, she was always complaining that she never had money. That her kids wanted money for this or that.
I’ve also had friends in their late teens who got pregnant and were always complaining about never having money. How the father never helped. They wanted to go out, but there was no one to babysit the baby. I wanted to take them out, but they couldn’t.
Just goes to show that preparation is very important. Just because everyone else is making you feel that it’s time to have babies, does mean that you have to if you are not ready. Otherwise you will just be living their lives and not yours.
This post is the best. You have a new fan! I can’t wait for the next update, favorite!
Im a 29 year old in a really good relationship. My partner and I are constantly being asked when we are having kids. Truth is, even though we both love kids and want them, we are just enjoying being just us for now. We can stay in bed on weekends, go away whenever we feel like and focus on our careers. Babies will happen in due time, and if for some reason they don´t, we have so many great things in our life to be grateful for.
Thanks for the comment, Marina! So glad to hear you are strong enough to push back on the pressure from others. We’ve met soooo many people who had kids too early….simply to satisfy their relatives, society, etc. Then, they end up regretting missing out on some of their own life. You’re definitely doing it right! Virtual high-five!
haha Thanks!