Breaking up or being dumped can leave a lasting scar that negatively impacts one’s daily activities and well-being. Quite often both men and women are stuck moving forward, and in some cases putting their lives back together.
Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist certified by the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners, and author of Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make or Break You. He works with many men and women who have experienced a breakup, helping them move forward with their lives.
He has some tips for us ladies for moving on after a breakup:
1. Change your thinking: Most people going through a breakup are constantly reliving and thinking about the negative aspects of that relationship, and it takes a toll in the way of low self-esteem and decreased confidence. Start by spending at least 10 minutes each day reciting positive thoughts or affirmations. For example: “I am strong, confident, attractive and make a great life partner.”
2. Take a break: Give yourself as much time as you need to recover. Don’t let anyone pressure you into believing you have to jump back into dating or seeing other people immediately. This isn’t a race and only you will know when you’re ready.
3. Seek support: There is no reason to ride the emotional roller-coaster alone. Talk to close friends, family members or a therapist that you feel comfortable with. Find a local support group and talk to others who are going through the same thing.
4. Do something fun: Immediately following a break up, do something you really enjoy doing. It could be mountain climbing, exercising, bird watching, taking that trip to Europe with your best friend or whatever. In the beginning stages of a breakup, do whatever you have to in order to make yourself feel better.
5. Don’t play the blame game: Whether you feel the breakup was a result of his actions or something you did, stop playing the blame game. See it as a learning experience and put the focus on moving on.
6. Don’t have any more contact with each other: When you’re fresh out of a relationship, there is a tendency by the person who was dumped to reread old emails, love letters and even try to ‘accidentally’ have a run in with their ex. The best way to move on is to forget about him altogether. Delete old emails, take him out of your phone book and don’t spy on him or check in on him on Facebook.
7. Don’t contact an old ex: When you go through a breakup, that feeling of being wanted and needed is missing. Many people have a tendency to contact a long lost ex who knows them well and could make them feel comfortable and wanted again. While this might seem like a good idea, it will actually hold you back from moving on.
8. Focus on the future: When you’re ready to move on, think about what your life looks like next year at this time. Define what you really want. Write down what your ideal mate looks like, his or her characteristics, how he treats you, and finally, picture the two of you doing all kinds of activities together. There is a definite connection to attracting what you’re focused on.
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